|
Thursday, 30 March 2006
no longer human
I wrapped myself inside his blanket
So warm and cozy the breath of his lies
We ate and breathed eachother
tempting taunting each moment we connected
Swimming in blue pools of laughter and lust
Then they bled all over my white carpet
bursting at the seems like a fit of rage
Posessed by an unmentionable name
Death has crept into my stomache
Clutched its bony hand around my heart
and ripped it out
i am hollow and bleeding
And i wade in this fit of agony and rage
Turning on the inside to something dark again
who i was before i survived
An empty shell incapable of giving or recieving.
I punch glass to make myself feel
I poison myself so i dont feel
I have nowhere to go
But home
The walls that bind me are my shelter
my safe place
where no one can find me
And i've talked myself into believing lies are better than life
So i live a lie
The best company i have is myself.
We have the best conversations, me and me...
my friends have left me for dead.
i am no longer human.
Posted by sweetyjade
at 3:48 PM EST
heart on my sleeve
i lie in bed and hold my pillow
wondering to where my dreams will take me
i rock myself to sleep
And hold myself up in the sun
stuggling to get some peace
I feel like a sitting duck
waiting to get shot, torn apart
and then eaten alive
by the heartless people in the world
so every morning i wake up
and pray someone will prove me wrong
and pray life is like the movies
and people are honest and true
and pray for a happy ending
or a happy beginning
but the sad twist of fate is
im alone
because i can't be happy with myself
and i need to learn to be
somehow
I keep a safe distance from everyone in life
no one will ever know me
because when i share myself i am shameless
when i trust i dont let go
the heart and soul i devote to life
is it so nieve to ask for people
to feel and treat me
the same way i do them
is it so nieve to be hurt
when people dissapoint you daily
so what do i want from life?
to be surrounded by people
with as much heart as i have
i want to wear my heart on my sleeve
proudly and boldly
and walk with my head high
knowing that im not being made a fool of
because the people i love
love me too
because the people i trust
trust me too
but good friends are hard to find
because i have knife permanently embeded in my back
i can't not follow my heart
ive tried so hard
so i just hide it
and pretend im following my head
sooner or later ill have no heart
and ill just follow my head
and life will be that much simpler.
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:58 PM EST
intuitions
i can taste it
like tasting food you're forced to eat because a friend says try this its horrible
quite a friend to stab me with your tongue
you hurt me today
but im through with being hurt
my heart doesn't open the way it used to
and i follow my intuitions
and they say
let go
he's gone
only an enemy
would leave his words empty
just to see you confused
prove me wrong
so i can rationalize your words
like i rationalized being beaten by my ex
i am no lost cause
my intuitions are always right
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:56 PM EST
Erotic
I breathed him in like liquid air filling my lungs
Pains in my chest even as I exhaled
The intense pounding through my ribs echo about the room
as I think of him
When I whisper his name my ears pound along
to the rhythmn of my pulse
faster and slower as the memories unfold
Vibrations of a tongue spilling its secrets
into this evalating beat
throbbing and panting deepening with the flicker of
an eye, a brush of the hair
my breath explodes as the memory
of his language spills from my heart
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:56 PM EST
recyclable
Sometimes I feel like a wet hankercheif waiting to be thrown away
sad and lost
but i keep being washed and bleached
used and stomped on
waiting for a sense of wholeness
the only owner i allow myself is me
and i prefer it that way
but im consumed by loneliness
i dont want another name stiched into me
i dont want to be put through a charade
i just want a companion
someone to share my thoughts and dreams with
someone who knows me for me
is that so much to ask for?
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:55 PM EST
The milk of our flesh
We mixed together like sugar and butter
grainy and creamy, the milk of our flesh
it was so natural and perfect
The moments uncovered
I was like pudding
averting my eyes
for fear of the deeper sorrow of losing you soon
Now you're gone
when i blink i can see you
I keep my eyes open and my heart closed
I dont know what we shared in those moments
I pick it apart and put it back together... so puzzled
Nothing was ever completed
completely said
I starve for those moments with you to return
unrealisticly
And I barely know you
Yet I've always known of you
But I'm not really waiting for you
I'm waiting for me
to leave this memory and start anew
but i dont
and i dont know why
i wish i knew you better
It's a mystery to me
I'd like to uncover
and did in those few moments we shared
My heart is closed now. I can't help myself
i'm a fool.
So I keep my mouth shut, my stomache empty and my eyes wide open.
Waiting for something... nothing
i wish i could bite into your flesh and taste who you are
and why yoiu were here
do i really crave you? or the dream of who you should be
you linger, yet i'm blind to you
I wish i could lose the memory
because this is not fair
As you fight in the sand I wade in the rain
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:55 PM EST
Butterfingers
My hands are always empty
butterfingers
cant even hold a pillow
i tried superglue
elmers
flypaper
but everything dies in the end
all inanimate objects
pasted on my walls
they all look and lie the same
these machines of men
battering rams of different strengths
inconsistant hearts and minds
colliding with my nievities
the gullable
recyclable girl
patient, alone and empty
one day there'll be nothing left
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:54 PM EST
I'm Fine
In our arms
We used to kiss
He and I were the only ones
The only ones in the planet
When I was sad I thought of him
and was happy again
Now I struggle not to
Another glass tongue, but not
down my throat
Only sweet champagne turned sour
to poison that rots my insides
Yet I sit in his shit
Turned mine
A birthday present
Finally appreciated!
Still alone
With his made up friends of mine
Piled around me
Taking my dignity
He already stole
and put in his pocket
on his counter as a souveneer
He took it
Where am I?
Buried in these pages
of emptiness
The tree that's fallen
with no one around
unheard
Fine
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:54 PM EST
Oxyclean it
If I gave him a box
It would stay closed
Beating sharply on the walls
like a drum
screaming and crying to get out
of this life
to pull this knife from my insides
surgically buried
I pick and pick with bloody fingers
to open it up and give it back
but my skin won't open
I bleed internally
All over his white shirt
I'm so sorry
I didn't mean to
Oxyclean it!
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:53 PM EST
Sweet and Sour Tom
Sweet and Sour Tom
A menu item
Spicy Heartburn Ouch
So beautiful
Where did u go
I ate you
and now you're gone..
What a sweet taste
I still savour your existance
I scrape the plate
But you're not there
Left with an empty stomach
And heartburn
Heartache
I wanted to keep you
But you crawled off the plate
and I chased
I am chasing
And you hide
And I hurt deeply
Presses on my chest again
So heavy
Better Now than later
But why at all?
Eventually they all go away
And I'm alone
Left to do the dishes
Posted by sweetyjade
at 2:53 PM EST
Newer | Latest | Older
| 
